Online dating when to meet face to face

By CitySwooner July 29th, 2014

The way the average person finds love today has dramatically changed thanks to the digital world we find ourselves in. While once you would have found dates by scanning a room or taking up a new hobby, today, you merely swipe left or type in a few words and you’re on the path to eternal relationship bliss.

But are you really?

The emergence of internet dating has meant singles today gravitate to their phone or computer. There are some great pros to this, such as convenience, professional matching tools and limited pressure, but there are also a number of cons…

7 reasons to look beyond online dating

1. Online dating breeds dishonesty

With films like Catfish highlighting the deception that can occur amongst the online dating world, most of us know that internet dating can be risky business. Dishonesty is common, and even those who want to be truthful feel that it’s somehow acceptable to ‘stretch the truth’ when dating online.

When global research agency OpinionMatters conducted a survey of 1,000 single men and women (all of whom belonged to popular mainstream dating communities) and asked them if they’d ever been dishonest when creating an internet dating profile, the results were shocking. Half of all people surveyed admitted to lying on their internet dating profile.

2. Dating sites are becoming overcrowded

The growing popularity of internet dating is good for increasing the amount of potential matches, but it can also serve as a barrier to finding true love. Crowdedness can make internet dating exhausting or overwhelming, and the more profiles added, the harder finding a good match can be.

When faced with too much choice, we tend to make bad decisions. Instead of looking at people clearly and cognitively (as you would if you were face-to-face), you’re more likely to make snap decisions that could cause you hurt down the line. Without emotion, memory and reason, you could unconsciously make a wrong move.

3. Online dating can make us overly picky

A common mistake of internet daters is that they become too picky. The internet allows for this, asking you question after question until you’re left with a very long check list or a tiny window of opportunity. Many singles end up limiting their search criteria so much that their perfect person stays on the outer edge, forever out of reach. Yes standards are important, but a check list a mile long? Definitely not.

Pickiness is a dating problem that affects real life too, but in real life it’s not so amplified. In real life, you can at least meet a person before writing them off, but with a limited online criteria, you’re pickiness becomes a major problem. All these great profiles slide on by without so much of a chance, which could mean missed opportunity after missed opportunity.

4. Limited mystery

When meeting someone for the first time, it’s good to have a little air of mystery. Nothing beats that brief awkward moment that turns into the realisation that you share something in common.

Getting to know someone gradually is deeply attractive and addictive, and the more you uncover new information the more excited you are to spend time with them. Knowledge is power, but when it comes to relationships, mystery keeps romance alive.

With internet dating, the key information is already there. This does little in the way of mystery and it also means that you can make a judgement based on incomplete or inaccurate knowledge. Every little detail of a person comes with a story, and you don’t unravel that story without a face-to-face meeting.

5. Unrealistic expectations

With internet dating, you’ll likely have an in-depth conversation before deciding to meet up in real life. You’ve reviewed their profile, discussed their likes and dislikes, and maybe even looked them up on Facebook or LinkedIn. By the time your date rolls around, you have a clear picture of the kind of person you expect they’ll be. Will they be everything you imagined, or will you be faced with someone who doesn’t meet your expectations? The reality is, it’s probably the latter.

6. Online dating can affect longevity

With an unlimited number of other people on offer via the internet, there’s little incentive to work things out if times get tough. Research tells us that online daters are 28 percent more likely to split from their partners within the first year, with many choosing to return to their digital menu to ‘start again’.

Because the internet gives a cloak of anonymity, it’s never been easier to browse the local talent or be unfaithful. Many internet daters can’t help but go back and take a look at who they might be missing, and this temptation can be too much for some. With internet dating, there’s always the idea that someone better could be a simple click away.

While historically commitment has been the goal of a healthy relationship, today’s love for online dating is changing this. Get hooked on reading profiles and you might find your desire for commitment start to wain.

7. Geography

With internet dating, it’s quite likely that many of your matches may be geographically distant. And attraction research has repeatedly shown that proximity is a strong predictor of a sustainable relationship. Some might argue that by dating the old fashioned way you’re limiting yourself to only your local area, and while this might be true, you have to admit that being local is a pretty attractive facet. Do you really want to move to be closer to your perfect match?